I slept nearly 12 hours today and I do feel better but I'm not quite out of the woods. I really want to paint and I have started a new project.

Being ill lends itself to strange dreams. Last night I dreamt I went to a party my husband wanted to go to. The host and hostess were unrefined and made no attempt to greet guests except in a cursory way. They were busy cooking food for the guests. It was an outdoor party. I went inside their home to sit down. I didn't like being outside because of the mosquitoes. The entire house was brown, brown everything. It felt unclean and I didn't like it and I wanted to go. Our son was with us and he was playing with the host and hostesses son so I had to stay longer to let him play.

Suddenly there was this pack of really fat angry women who  thought I was going to take a trip to see Benny Hinn the faith healer and I didn't invite them. I had no idea why they thought i would be going to see Benny Hinn in his white ice cream suit topped in gold nuggets. I explained to these women I was not going to see Benny Hinn and there must be some kind of mistake. They left me alone.

There were rows of old uninteresting books from the Reader's Digest Condensed Book of the Month club in this house and the rest were retailing books. I finally persuaded my husband to let me go home. My son and I left in a separate car from my husband. I took a wrong turn out of the driveway and had driven 8 miles before I realized. The road made a dead end at the most incredible mansion. I drove down the driveway of this mansion and realized there were more mansions and they were nestled around a waterfront with a community area.

Out of curiosity I went to the community area and it was full of senior citizens lounging around in patio chairs and they were very gracious and polite to me. They were all extremely wealthy. I could never afford to live in a place like that at this point in my life. As we chatted I asked them if there were any restaurants in the area because I might look for a waitress job. Suddenly their entire response to me changed. They ceased to be jovial and attentive and became distant and standoffish. I told them I was just joking about be a waitress and they seemed relaxed again. I could see they were imprisoned in a false reality of elitism and could not fully live because of their "embraced" prejudice.

I could see the way to get into their community was either be who I was (which would not work because I was not rich) or lie. If I lied and pretended to be something else than who I was I could probably marry one of the old half dead ones and get his money. It was such a beautiful community on a material plane but it was a total mind game. I admit I wanted what they had but I could never pay the price. Freedom means more than excess money. I don't want to be dead while I live. I have desires for that kind of wealth and it is so easy to covet. The bible warns us that coveting is a sin and we should never do it. I never realized why it was such a sin until I realized that being covetous can make a person miserable because you never know really that what is glittering may not be gold. Its better to be satisfied with what one has in life. Easy to say, easy to agree but really very difficult to truly comprehend.

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sister raya outsider folk artist self taught new orleans